Goddamn Memories
by I'veMadeAMistake
Summary: Drabbles for the DN boys. AU and each chapter is a one shot. I think the only characters I'm using are Matt, Mello, Near, Light and L. There is fluff and love and angst and feels. Each chapter is a one shot and warnings/summaries will be posted before each one begins. All rights go to their respected owners.


A/N: YOOOOOOOOO. Hi. So I've been having some severe procrastination on Our Waltz, but I will do my best to get ch.6 up soon. Meanwhile, I've been having some little drabble ideas for the lovely characters of Death Note (which I do not own). So yeah… Enjoy. And every chapter will have a warning at the top of the page, if needed. Okay. Bye~ Andi!

**WARNING: angst, self harm, hints of eating disorders. There is some description of blood.**

"Hey Mel, I'm back!" He shouts, and I freeze. He isn't supposed to be home for another hour. I look down at my arms. Fuck. I scramble putting things away, slamming drawers, and spilling soaps. I tighten the towel around my waist. This is not happening. No. It can't be.

"Mel?" He calls out, and I hear him walk into my bedroom. We have a Jack and Jill bathroom between our rooms, and I can hear him inching closer.

"Mello?" He asks, and I know he's right outside.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, um, can I come in for a moment?" I try to steady my breath.

"I just got out of the shower. I'm kind of completely naked." I lie, praying he doesn't say anything.

"When have you ever cared about that?" He asks, and I can hear him working at the door handle, luckily I've locked it.

"I just need to grab a towel, I broke Roman's bowl." That poor fish.

"Isn't there one in the kitchen?" I ask, trembling.

"I didn't see one, but I can check again." He says, and I breathe again after I hear his footsteps walking away. I step into the shower and slide down the wall. I put my hands in my hair, completely forgetting about staining it with blood.

"Yeah, so I cou-." I freeze. He went through his room. I swore I locked it! He stops and looks through the glass at me. My hair, my towel and my skin all stained a crimson color.

"Mel." He breathes.

"Matt I-" He cuts me off dropping to his knees beside me. He crawls back to the vanity and grabs the red box under it. I'm paralyzed. And numb. I can't move, all I can do is sit there staring as he wraps my arms.

"Mel?" He snaps his fingers a couple times. But it's so damn hazy. Maybe I cut too deep this time.

"Mel." He says, putting his hand under my chin to make me look at him.

"Mihael, _please_." He's begging, and…crying? Matt is- no, he isn't-, not over me.

"Not worth the tears." I say, reaching my hand up to wipe them away, smearing some blood on him in the process. He catches my hand. And turns my arm face up, leaning down to put his face next to it.

"I'm sorry." I start chanting it in a slow whisper.

"No, no, no you don't have to be sorry." He says, his warm tears landing on the gauze.

"I'm sorry. I should have been there more." He says, bowing his head a bit in shame. I take the hand he isn't holding and tilt his chin back up.

"Not your fault." I say, tears slipping from my own eyes. The tears aren't from pain, or shame, they are from heartbreak, because seeing Matt cry is the most heartbreaking thing I've ever witnessed.

"I love you." He mumbles and the proceeds to kiss my bandage, small butterfly kisses all the way up my forearm. In most circumstances I would push my friend off of me and threaten to shoot him-even though I'd secretly want him to continue-but in this moment, the thought of rejection hasn't even crossed my mind. When he gets to the top of the gauze he looks up, his goggles pushed up so that his eyes are visible. He's always been self-conscious about his heterochromia, but I love it. One is a pale blue while the other is a deep brown.

"I love you Mihael." He says, and I put my face in his collarbone, sobbing. He puts his hands on my back, gently pressing me into him. I can feel his fingers sliding around my back, and I know exactly what he is going to say, before he even opens his mouth.

"Oh God Mel, you're so thin." He says, and loosens his grip on me as if not to break me. I shift closer to him and put my arms around him, just wanting to be closer, to be safer, to be warmer. He still hasn't tightened his grip and so I lift just a bit from his neck.

"Hold me?" I ask, and immediately his arms are around me again. My sobs have faded to hiccups and I've run out of tears to cry. Matt's hands are running up and down my back, trying his best to coax me out of his shoulder. Eventually, his plan works, and I slowly pull myself away from my safe haven. I sit there, like a little child; my pale frail body wrapped only in a now pinkish towel.

"Mello I-" I cut him off…with my lips. His hands find their way into my hair, his fingers gently massaging my scalp. Then he gently pulls back.

"Come on, let's get you dressed." I try standing, but even with Matt's help, I'm wobbling. He swoops me up bridal style. He takes me into his room, and sets me on the desk. He goes over to his dresser and pulls out a pair of his boxers and one of his striped shirts. He helps me stand, and get dressed, and then lies me down on his bed. He starts to walk away but I cling to his wrist for dear life.

"Please." I beg and he gently pulls my hand off.

"I'm not going any where. Just changing." I nod, but I can't let my grip on his wrist go, he has to pry me off. He quickly strips to his boxers, and shuts the bathroom door, walking back to the bed with only the moonlight from the window as a guide. He lies down and curls up next to me. I turn to him, and he puts his chin on top of my head, and his arms around my waist. I put my ear directly over his heartbeat. It's steady and strong, just like he is. I breathe in his scent, the scent of eucalyptus, menthols, and Matt.

"I love you." He says, and kisses my forehead.

"I love you too." I whisper, already dozing off.

"Please don't leave me, I-I couldn't go on." He says, holding me tighter.

"I won't. I'll never leave you ever again." I say, knowing that he isn't referring to leaving this town, but the entire living world.

"I'll never leave you." I mumble. _Never._


End file.
